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Create a balance between work, play, life + love.

Design Life Project is a five-week, online course to help you custom-design your LIFE. Design Life Project will help you find your balance between work, play, life and love by identifying your core, discovering your strengths and weaknesses, and your natural rhythm. Design Life Project will help clarify and simplify your scheduling, help you to know what you should be working on when, get things out of your head and organized, and allow for maximum creativity to do the BEST DESIGN WORK you’ve done. Let’s make the REST OF YOUR LIFE, the BEST OF YOUR LIFE.

You will learn how to tailor a life balance so that you can wake up in the morning feeling FREE and totally present. Design Life Project will help you to develop a customized and flexible schedule that will FINALLY bring all the pieces together, once and for all.

Are you a creative who is:

• Juggling too many things at once, and are afraid of DROPPING the balls?
• Afraid of being too stressed to do your BEST work?
• Making mistakes, and being TOO HARD on yourself for them?
• Burning the candle from BOTH ends?

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Perhaps you’re JUST starting out in a design business, and you want to start it right so that you develop the balance early on. You’ll learn what I’ve learned in YEARS of running a business, balancing a new family, and doing your best work, in just 5 weeks! I will be completely TRANSPARENT with you and tell you EXACTLY what did and didn’t work for me!

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Would you like to:

• Wake up in the morning and LIVE out your ideal day?
• Be clear on what you need to work on, and WHEN?
• Use a schedule you can finally STICK to?
• Use 100% of your creative potential and feel TOTALLY inspired?
• Work with your IDEAL clients?
• Know the VALUE of your work and price it right?

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Some testimonials from past students:

“When you work in any creative industry, or work for yourself, most likely you let that seep into every aspect of your being. As full filling as this kind of work can be, it can also be exhausting and overwhelming. It wasn’t until this course that I realized I was missing something. I am a designer by trade, and I wasn’t designing my life! The number one thing that I loved about this course was the confidence Cathy instilled in all us to take control. We truly have the power to design a life we love. There is a place where work and family coexist without guilt, and where we can do our best work free from burnout. I am so excited about the directions my life and business will take with this new found knowledge and support.”

“The Design Life Project encouraged me to really think about how I spend my time. I also took a long hard look at my business practices and the reasons behind why I do things a certain way and where improvements could be made. I walked away with a clear picture of what I need to implement in my business and a list of action items. More importantly, I feel encouraged and inspired to actually get those things done!”

“This course has helped me spend less time on the things that I don’t enjoy, while spending more time on my creative projects. I feel like my creativity has grown as I have gotten more inspired to spend time on the fun parts of what I do. During these weeks, I have given up some of my responsibilities to spend more time on fun projects. I am so happy that my work and quality has gotten better as I am zoning in on the type of work I do. I also started raising my prices on my cakes and will be raising prices on other things I offer as well. By raising my cake prices, I’ve been able to hire an assistant to make the process of baking and decorating go quicker and free up my time. I used to work 7 days a week, but I am now working 6 days a week and spending Sundays with my family. This is HUGE for me as I previously had no life/work balance and worked 24/7. I am making a conscious effort to stop working at a certain time each night and eat dinner and spend time with my family. It doesn’t happen every day, but at least it happens a few times a week and will start happening more as I keep working towards my goals. Thank you Cathy for all of your inspiration! I still have work to do, but I now know what needs to be done, what my priorities are, and have a clear vision for my businesses, know the type of clients I want to work with, and I see that I can’t say yes to everything, and I know I need to pay for help to make it all happen. I have learned SO much.”

“Being a business owner, wife, and mother of 3 little ones can be challenging at times. Last year, I was helping my kids with homework while answering emails on my phone, and ordered pizza for dinner far too many times. I took the Design Life Project last fall and it has made such a difference in the way I schedule my day! And Cathy is awesome!! If you want to design a new and better way of doing things, go get your spot!”

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Week 1: Your Ideal Day, Motivations and Goals

In the first week, you will learn how to discover who you are and what you were made to do, and how you’d like to do it. I will help you identify what brings you JOY and what ignites your best work. You will learn exactly HOW to map out your ideal day, and what you’d like it to look like. In little, easy ways, you can start filling your days with JOY.

Week 2: Developing Boundaries and Implementing Them

In the second week, you will learn how to create boundaries, and I will teach you how to start implementing them RIGHT away to start clearing the clutter. I will help you choose which boundaries to put in place, for your desired results. You will be able to start clearing out some time and getting some time to yourself to do the things you love.

Week 3: Getting Help and Developing Your Team

In the third week, you will learn how to get help to clear off your plate, and how to afford it. You will learn tips and tricks to simplify your workflow so that YOU are doing less of the work you don’t love, and MORE of the work you do LOVE. You will develop a plan to work smarter and not harder, right away.

Week 4: Creating a Customized Schedule, Get Laser Focused and Be PRODUCTIVE

In the fourth week, you will learn how to custom-tailor a schedule to work WITH who you are, and how you like to work. You will learn that it’s okay to throw out the traditional ways of doing things and you will learn how to design it to work with your personality and style. You will finally develop a plan JUST FOR YOU, so that everything fits and everything flows. I will also help you get you laser focused, by following your schedule and allowing yourself to be FULLY present in what you are currently doing. You will learn the art of focusing on your project, on your family, on your friends – at the right place and time. You will start getting the MOST of your time so that you can stay productive and get more MEANINGFUL things done (in less time).

Week 5: Putting it All Together and Fine Tuning

In the fifth week, you will learn how to fine tune everything you’ve developed, and help you put it all together. You will start to master living out all of the pieces in balance, and you will be able to fine-tune the areas to work even better. This week we will be oiling the machine that has brought you to living your ideal day. It will all come together this week, and you will finish the course with a well-developed, customized plan to fit only you.

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Design Life Project is taught by Graphic and Web Designer Cathy Olson, owner of the design studio Love-Inspired. She has over 13 years experience as a professional graphic designer, and has worked with a range of businesses – big ones like Disney, Costco, Best Buy and Walmart – to small ones like work-from-home moms, working from a desk and a laptop in the wee hours. Cathy started her own design business over 5 years ago, and in that time has helped hundreds of businesses find their authentic voice through exploration, social media, marketing, graphics, and web. She has dealt first-hand with the juggling a thriving business, being a mom to a growing family, and personal goals. She’s experienced overwhelm first hand, and has learned how to balance work AND life in a fun, personalized and EASY TO STICK WITH way. This class is perfect for designers, photographers, artists and creatives who want to have more free time, attract their dream clients, work smarter not harder, and truly start to LIVE the LIFE they want to.

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Let’s FINALLY develop some balance and peace in your design/life. In this course, you’ll learn about setting goals to make your heart SING, determining which boundaries are necessary and ACTUALLY how to STICK to them. You’ll learn how to create laser focus and to REALLY stay productive. You’ll learn how to really be present in what you’re doing and be the BEST at it that you can be. Instead of living someone else’s life/dream/way of scheduling, you will learn the skills to design YOUR ideal day, YOUR ideal week, YOUR ideal year.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

I’m so busy and overwhelmed already. Will I have time for your course? Can I register, but start it later when I know things will have quietened down? The course spans over 5 weeks. Each week we will have lessons and worksheets, and you can do them in your spare time. If you don’t have spare time, the course will HELP you FIND some. Honestly, the BEST time to do this program is WHEN you are overwhelmed, because you’ll start to clear it out RIGHT away. You will also have access to the private Facebook group to bounce your ideas off of. If you would still rather go at your own pace, you can. You will be able to download all the content and access the course site for three months after the program finishes.

What kind of teaching can I expect in the course? What’s included? The Design Life Project e-course is robust. Enrolling in Design Life Project includes full access to the online classroom, video tutorials, Q&A and worksheets to identify your ideal day, as well as access to a private Facebook group where you can connect and share with your classmates and get feedback directly from Cathy. You’ll create an actual working system that is customized to you, so you don’t have to waste another moment in overwhelm or frustration.

When does the class start? Registration opens January 15, 2014! Class begins Monday February 17, 2014. You’ll be able to download all content and access the course site for three months after the program finishes.

Does the course meet at a certain time? Does it matter what part of the world I’m in? Design Life Project is a virtual course, you can participate from anywhere at anytime! Lessons will be posted online throughout the week, and you can log into the course at any time to view them.

How much time can I expect to spend on the course? You’ll get new content on the course site throughout the week, M-F. We’ll start with a lesson, then a worksheet, some observation and testing, and then end the week with an action step. You can expect to spend anywhere between 30 to 90 minutes reviewing the content and completing the exercises and work for the class each day, depending on the length of the lesson. Some people may work through the content more quickly, and others may want to spend more time. All the content will help you develop your personalized plan by the end of the Design Life Project course.

How are payments handled? Payment is securely processed via PayPal and can be made using your PayPal balance or credit card. Please note that all course correspondence will be sent to the email address associated with your PayPal account. To use a different email address, please forward your PayPal invoice to cathy@love-inspired.com.

Other questions? Email me at cathy@love-inspired.

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I think anytime we start a new year, we do the same thing – we take stock of where we are, how far we’ve come, and what we want for the future. Then comes in the comparison. Where is everyone else? Where are they heading? How do I compare to them?

I recently posted an instagram from a quote from Jon Acuff:

“Don’t compare your beginning, to someone else’s middle.” – Jon Acuff

It got a lot of likes from yall. Which leads me to believe we all do this, and we all know we shouldn’t. When we compare, it’s completely unfair to ourselves. We aren’t comparing apples to apples, and we are pretending like we are. I don’t think there is a problem with a bit of healthy competition – but we take it so much further. The trouble with comparison is that it is like a thorn. It starts simple enough, and starts bugging us, bothering us, and getting worse. It soon becomes so bad that it has morphed our sense of ourselves. We now see ourselves through a false set of eyes. We are lying to ourselves about our worth by comparing ourselves to someone else. We are also lying to ourselves if we think someone else’s path is BETTER than our own.

Let me say something refreshing for a moment –

It doesn’t MATTER how you compare to someone ELSE. It really doesn’t. All that matters is how you compare to YOURSELF.

The only way to compare apples to apples it to compare our present selves with our past selves. How does past ME compare with now ME? How can I make future ME even better?

It’s silly to think we should follow someone else’s path. Our lives are so complex – we need to realize WE are more complex than that. WE are different than THEM.

You have been created to be completely unique. There truly is no one else out there like you. Really. So there will be NO other path like yours. The real success comes in being true to yourself, and to stop comparing.

Once we stop comparing to others, we can start to create our own path:

• What are YOUR goals?
• What are YOUR passions?
• What works for YOU?
• How do YOU learn best?
• How do YOU create best?

Once you focus on yourself and being you – and not anyone else – the thorn is removed and you are free to soar to be the BEST you.

Let’s stop comparing our ANYTHING to anyone else’s ANYTHING. Let’s be us and let’s be awesome because of it.

 

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Need help in customizing your path and being true to yourself for 2014? I’ll be opening registration tomorrow for the Design Life Project e-course. Our last session was nothing short of AMAZING and I’m so excited for the New Year’s edition of this course. We are going to have a wonderful 5 weeks together and we are going to grow SO much! Make sure you’re signed up for the newsletter (sign up in the sidebar on the left to be reminded when registration opens TOMORROW, January 15th)  and you can snag your spot!

I took a little moment of silence yesterday here on the Design Life Project. I’ve been blogging every weekday for a month straight, and yesterday I decided to be quiet. Yesterday I spent a lot of the day thinking about how to balance life, work, and the in between, in the times of tragedy and turmoil. Honestly, I don’t believe that there is a real “balance” that can be had in that moment. I think it’s like getting a direct hit from a cannonball to your hull, and you just start to sink. You will take on water, no matter what you do in that moment.

Tragedies deserve tears. They deserve sadness. They deserve for us to pause everything and to think on only that. They are unfair, they are unjust. They happen to lots of people who just don’t deserve it. Our hearts break, because we were made to have compassion, and to care.

The thing is with tragedy, is it doesn’t happen to just one type of people – it happens to the good people, the bad people… any people. To deal with tragedy, is to be human. As long as we are alive on this Earth, we will deal with pain, and with suffering. It is the ugly side to life here on Earth.

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So, when tragedy strikes, we are inescapably thrown off course, off balance. Now what?

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Now we move. Now we do. Now we love. Now we live. Now we laugh. Now we play. Now we smile.

We give the tragedy its stage time, and then we move forward. We understand that sadness and pain is only temporary and we glide into our new normal. We survive. We stretch towards the sunshine and stretch out our petals. We get ready for a new dawn. We see beauty again. We begin to feel joy again. We begin to smell the roses and we begin to live again. We begin to heal.

I believe that balance starts to come back, when we start to heal. When we let ourselves let go and start again. We dust ourselves off and have hope and joy for the future.

“Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning.” Psalms 30:5

Grow, flowers. Grow.

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Only a couple days left on the early-bird discount for the Design Life Project e-course! If you want in on gaining some clarity and balance with us, make sure you grab your spot, as we are already close to selling out!

Today I’m keeping it short and sweet. I want to talk about human connection through social media. I’d love for you to watch this video, if you haven’t already seen it. It’s beautifully animated on top of a powerful message.

 

 

I couldn’t believe how much this hit home for me. It is so true. We often watch other’s “highlight reel” and compare them to our own. It’s not a fair comparison to make. I’m also a huge fan of sharing positive news, so I don’t think complaining and showing the ugly is necessarily the answer too.

I think instead of the edited and fake, we share TRIUMPH. I think we show COURAGE when things went wrong. I think we show the fear, and do it ANYWAY. I think we share our circumstances, and what we LEARNED from them. I think we show HOPE. I think we show LOVE against ALL odds.

• I would love to encourage you today to show some TRUTH in your social media feeds. Tell someone what you’re struggling with – but show them that you have HOPE about it. Tag your share with #designlifeproject. I’d love to hear from you.

I think if we can show the true colors, but show hope and faith instead – that we will finally make real connections online again.

Happy Weekend!

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Registration is open for the Design Life Project e-course! We have had great feedback, and I’m so excited to start this with you all. We are keeping this class purposeful and smaller, so grab your spot before it sells out!

I planned on discussing a different topic today, but I decided to address something that has been on my mind instead.

I want to tell you, openly and wholeheartedly, that I am NOT perfect.

I never have been perfect, and I never will be. I do NOT have it all together. I think a lot of times when someone decides to teach a course on something, or decides to be a speaker on a topic, that there is a pressure to be perfect in that subject. But all of us fall short of perfection (Romans 3:23).

I decided to share my journey with you all – in the quest to continue my own balance. I have found such a joy in sharing with you all. However – I am not perfectly balanced, and I don’t think I’ll ever be – but I have LEARNED what it takes to create some balance. And that’s why I share it with you. I was forced into a situation, where I had to get my butt in gear. I see now that so many people struggle with this same overwhelm, and I want to help with my past and continuing experience.

So then, it’s not about being PERFECT. It’s about learning and being a BETTER person because of your failures.

It’s about working smarter and not harder. It’s about filling your days with things you love and the people you love to work with, and letting go of those things you don’t. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about letting go of worry, of doubt, of fear, when you aren’t perfect. It’s about being OKAY with the fact – even embracing – that we aren’t perfect. It’s about the beauty in imperfection, in vulnerability. It’s about being real with each other.

Yes, I’m a busy person. But yes – I do have TIME for the Design Life Project – because it’s important to me. It’s my passion project. I find the time and I make it work, because it fills up my heart with joy. I stay up longer or wake up earlier and I MAKE the time. This is important to me, and more importantly, this has been put on MY HEART to do – so I will obey.

I’m on this journey too. I just wanted you all to know how grateful I am for each and every one of you. I am so thankful to have you on board with me. Thank you for your supportive emails, comments and messages. Thank you for telling me that what I’m doing here, and in my business, makes a difference to you. To the naysayers, thank you for reminding me what I’m saying NO to – so that I can truly fill up my days with more joy.

I want to close with an encouragement, as usual. I’d love to encourage you today to be at peace with your imperfection. It’s okay to fail. It’s okay to mess up. What’s more important is that we are joyful and we DO IT ANYWAY.

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Come one, come all. We welcome the imperfect. Registration is open for the Design Life Project e-course! We have had great feedback, and I’m so excited to start this with you all. We are keeping this class purposeful and smaller, so grab your spot before it sells out!

A little preview of what’s to come for the Design Life Project e-course.

Have a wonderful weekend full of joy!

The answer NO is an important ally when you are focusing in on your ideal day and ideal life. I talk a lot about IDEAL DAY – and really it’s because it is the answer to clearing the overwhelm, doing better work, and doing what you love. If you design your ideal day, you really can fill your days with joy. Saying NO is a huge part of constructing your ideal day.

Let be begin this post by saying I am HORRIBLE at saying NO. I really am, and I have to be honest about it. I am learning everyday from the mistakes I’ve made, saying YES to something that should have been a NO. So I’m learning right beside you.

I guess I’m a people pleaser or something. It really HURTS me to say NO to things – but I understand the importance, and I’m on my way! The first step to recognizing a problem is admitting to it right? So can we all just admit we are terrible at saying NO? Okay, cool. So let’s start now!

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So what are the kind of things we need to say NO to?

1. NO to anything that doesn’t serve our bigger purpose.

This comes after we define our WHY, our bigger purpose. What is the ultimate goal you’re working towards? Let’s develop a filter in which we ask ourselves a question when something comes up. Does saying YES to this serve my bigger purpose? Does this job/project/opportunity help me get to my goal of _____ ? If not, that can trigger a NO.

2. NO to things we specifically don’t NEED to do.

If you’re wearing a million hats, and some of those hats can be worn by someone else, we should probably say NO to wearing that hat. For example, if you are charging $50/hour for your services, and you can pay someone $10/hour to clean your house, wouldn’t you be better off making that $40/hour profit by hiring a house cleaner and working instead of cleaning? Identify which jobs/commitments you CAN say NO to, and get it off your plate so that you can do more YES things.

3. NO to things that are not on your YES list.

This one is really simple – but can be pretty powerful. A couple weeks ago we created a YES list. Is this task NOT on your YES list? Then perhaps it deserves a NO!

4. NO to mindless distractions.

Are you distracting yourself with social media, just to feel bad afterwards and defeated after something you read? Time to limit this, gut your feed of the negative, and get moving on things that matter. NO to social media distractions.

5. NO to being taken advantage of.

Keep your time off/time with family/refresh SACRED. Develop your boundaries and stick to them. Don’t let others cross those lines you’ve set. Set your office hours, and say NO to letting things TAKE OVER your personal time. Keep your prices firm. Say NO to being bullied.

6. NO to self doubt and fear.

This is a big one, but it’s super important. We talked about fear before, and that we can’t let it stop us. We need to say NO to the negative thoughts in our head, to the naysayers, to anyone who doesn’t believe in us, or encourage us. Let’s say NO to doubting ourselves, and NO to being afraid to take a leap of faith when it matters.

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So today and moving forward, let’s say NO to more things. Let’s be a steward of our precious time and talents. Let’s give them the importance they deserve, fill our time with more joy, and use our talents in those ways that will be TRULY appreciated.

Registration for the Design Life Project e-course is NOW OPEN!. There’s gonna be some earth-shattering, AMAZING transformation in your lives, I just know it. We are going to have a wonderful 5 weeks together and we are going to grow SO much! I’m super excited. We are purposefully keeping this first class small and intimate, so SNAG YOUR SPOT and catch the early-bird rate!

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My favorite memory when I think about negativity is the Debbie Downer skit on SNL a bunch of years ago. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, but just for fun (and to fill our lives with a little more laughter), let’s check it out again.

What makes this skit such a classic is that we ALL know these people. They are not usually ALWAYS this way, and their intentions are probably pure. But their attitude and sentiment can be a major drain on us. I’m a very sensitive person and I pick up the mood from others very easily. It’s so easy for me to get lost in another person’s orbit for awhile. I care so deeply and fully, that their outlook is very contagious to me.

This didn’t occur to me until a few years ago when attending one of the first Making Things Happen intensives.

I realized that the people you surround yourself with is a choice – and that the things you fill your day with, YOU have CONTROL over. I never thought of it that way, and it’s so freeing, don’t you think? You ultimately decide WHAT gets into your psyche and what isn’t allowed to. You are the gatekeeper.

It’s like the famous Jim Rohn quote says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So this means, that you should take stock of WHO those people are, and if they are adding or subtracting from your ideal day. This is a simplified notion, but it’s a powerful one. I don’t know that we can ALWAYS excise people who are negative (they may be family, etc.), but I do think we still have control of our top 5. I think you have control to offset THOSE people with the opposite – people who FILL you up! So if your top 5 people are draining you, bump them out of the top 5! Think of it like speed dial (insert Seinfeld reference). Let’s program our speed dial with 5 people who provide love, hope, encouragement and fellowship, all the time.

In the social media age, this means something totally different. We have hundreds, even thousands of “friends”. What is your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram feed saying to you on a daily basis? I am constantly trimming my feeds to keep my speed dial of social media, POSITIVE. This may even mean un-following the competition, if they are constantly making you feel less than. It doesn’t MATTER what these people are doing. You are not them and you don’t have to keep up with anything they do. You are you, and God made you like NO OTHER human being to EVER exist. Amen to that!!

There is another side to this idea that may be shocking to think about. Maybe the Debbie Downer is YOU.

Maybe that negativity is originating from YOU and maybe YOU are the one bringing everyone down. Make a decision to STOP. STOP complaining and START counting your blessings instead. Remember that people are PRAYING for things you currently have. Count your blessings and not your problems. If you need a reminder why you should be grateful read my story again as to how I learned the lesson the hard way. I realize BAD things happen to GOOD people ALL THE TIME. And it’s okay to hurt. And it’s okay to be in pain. But what you choose to do with that pain is up to you. Can you find the rainbow in the storm? Can you, amidst your pain, STILL be a blessing to others? How can you put more positivity out into the world? Can you love on people and serve them REGARDLESS of your circumstances?

This is a hard step, and I know it. It’s a constant battle for some, but it’s worth it. Every single one of you deserves to fill your minutes with JOY and not waste it on negativity and sadness. Don’t let your circumstances, people around you, or voices in your head steal your joy.

Make a list of your new 5 people on your positivity speed dial. Reach out to them and bask in their warmth. Thank them for being in your life. Ask them how YOU can bless them today.

Positivity is going to be a huge focus in the Design Life Project e-course. I’m not going to let you be negative, we are going to do this together! I’d love to invite you to join us! There are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens NEXT WEEK and you can snag your spot!

Today is a big day for me. I’m FINALLY sharing my story in writing. In a few days it will be the 1 year anniversary of my surgery, and the most influential day of my life.

Some of you know my story a little, some of you know it a lot. I can see my story differently now that a year has passed. I can really see how it’s affected me, and how things have changed SO much.

After reading my story, you’ll see why the Design Life Project is so dear to me, and I hope that it will encourage you to NEVER take things for granted, and NEVER GIVE UP.

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One day in September 2011 I was in my bathroom doing my makeup. All of a sudden I noticed one of my lymph nodes under my jaw (close to my ear) was swollen. I felt the other side, and it was totally normal. That alarmed me a little, because usually when you’re fighting an infection, both lymph nodes are swollen. Still, I wasn’t going to run to the doctor just for that. A week or so later, it was still there. I told my husband, “Hey, my lymph node on my right side is swollen.”

Now if you know my husband Erik, you KNOW he’s a crazy hypochondriac (Love you baby!). So I really hesitated in telling him, but I needed to ask someone. He started immediately freaking out and demanding I go to the doctor. I acquiesced and said I’d make an appointment to see my Primary Care doctor. Erik insisted I get in RIGHT away, so I did.

Every time I go to the doctor thinking there’s something really wrong with me, there never is, so I wasn’t surprised when the doctor said it was nothing. The doctor felt the lump, and and was pretty nonchalant about it. “It is probably just your body fighting some kind of infection,” the doctor shrugged. “Give it a few weeks, and if it’s still there, I’ll refer you to an ENT (ear, nose and throat specialist).

Well that did NOT go over well with my husband. He was NOT happy and he demanded I get the appointment with the ENT right away – no more waiting. So I contacted my primary care and got an appointment to see an ENT.

The ENT appointment was BAD. If you’re squeamish about needles, just skip over this paragraph. I was NOT prepared for what was going to happen. The ENT first stuck a camera through my nasal passage (up my nose) all the way to my throat. PROBABLY one of the most painful things ever.

I remember my baby daughter who was 8 months at the time, sitting in her baby carrier, watching the whole thing, totally oblivious, as my husband squeezed my hand tight and tears fell down my cheeks.

The ENT said he didn’t see anything. He then told us he was going to do a fine-needle aspiration (FNA). He injected the mass with some numbing medication, then started the biopsy. The needle they use for this procedure is HUGE and it’s hollow. They are basically taking “cores” of the mass. So he proceeded to dig into the mass over and over, removing samples. Although I was numbed, this STILL HURT badly.

The ENT then ordered me to get a CT scan and an MRA (like an MRI but more detailed), and told me he’d call me when we got the results. I lagged on getting the scans done, as I figured it would be a waste of money/time to do the scans, if the FNA came back negative. The ENT called and he said the FNA was inconclusive (meaning they couldn’t tell if it was cancerous or not).  He scheduled an open biopsy surgery to remove more of the tissue. He asked if I’d gotten the scans done, and I told him I hadn’t, so he scheduled it a couple days before the surgery.

He ordered a rush on the results of the scans, and called me back the day before the surgery, saying he canceled it. He diagnosed me with a Carotid Body Tumor (CBT), and said he was referring me to a vascular surgeon who specialized in these things, but beyond that he did not explain anything to me about what the diagnosis meant.

So in comes Google! I googled Carotid Body Tumor. Basically it’s a tumor that grows in the “carotid body” – the area between where your carotid artery splits (it’s like a Y). The type of tumor is called a paraganglioma. I also read that it was EXTREMELY rare. I really couldn’t get a ton of information on it. That’s about all I knew before going to see the vascular surgeon.

The vascular surgeon appointment was totally surreal. The other shoe finally dropped, when he explained exactly what I had, what it meant, and the treatment options.

The doctor told us, “I don’t want to sugar-coat this. The tumor you have is very serious. It is three-quarters of the way wrapped around your carotid arteries. We won’t know if it’s cancerous or not until it’s removed.”

“The FNA was extremely dangerous to do with this type of vascular (full of vessels) tumor, because it could have caused internal bleeding. It is a slow-growing tumor, so you don’t have to get it removed immediately, but it is only going to grow, and it’s very large now.” I remember hearing his words like I was watching a movie. I was very removed from the situation.

He continued, “The surgery to remove this tumor is difficult, requires a lot of skill, and is very dangerous. Since this tumor is so very rare, not a lot of people have worked on them. I’ve done a lot of them compared to most people in this area (Southern California) – I’ve performs 5 of these surgeries in my 20 year practice. I have to be honest with you, and tell you, 4 of the surgeries were successful, but one of the surgeries, the woman suffered a massive stroke.”

“You see, the danger in this surgery is that the tumor grows on the carotid arteries, and it is very difficult to differentiate where the artery ends and where the tumor begins. Your carotid artery supplies blood to the brain. If the artery accidentally gets cut in the process, it has to be clamped to be repaired, and while it’s being repaired, it’s not supplying blood to the brain – which causes a stroke.”

At this point, I was pretty removed from reality. I had the oddest response. I remember SMILING and feeling like I needed to hold in my laugh. Almost like – “Oh OKAY yeah sure. I have a crazy tumor and have to undergo a surgery that could kill me or cause permanent brain damage. RIIIIGHT.”

Erik didn’t find it so funny. He was pale and he was shaking. I didn’t know what to say to him, or how to make it any easier.

The doctor continued by explaining all of the other possible side effects that were more likely – like me having to eat from a feeding tube the rest of my life. The neck and carotid artery are surrounded by very sensitive nerves, that control a lot of different things. There is a main nerve there that controls your mouth, throat and swallowing. If during the process they injure the nerve or have to remove part of it to remove the tumor, I would lose control of my ability to swallow on my own.

My tumor was also on the right side, which meant it controlled the RIGHT side of my brain. I need my RIGHT brain. I use it. A LOT. It was quite literally my creativity at stake.

The doctor finished up by telling us he would give us some time to think about what we wanted to do. He recommended waiting until after the holidays. Of course. Not a fun Christmas present.

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This was the beginning of the darkest period of my life. I had to face this surgery eventually. It was like this cloud entered my life and made it’s home above my heart. All I could see was dark skies and rainy days. It was very hard to feel joy during this time.

The worst part of it all was that I was now a mother, to an amazing little baby girl. This changed EVERYTHING for me. I could not imagine Aven having to grow up without a mom – or worse – with a mom who was mentally disabled. Honestly there were a LOT of “ifs” that could happen with this surgery, and they loomed over me like nothing I have ever felt. I played out this scene in my mind a million times:

“My mother died.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay, she died when I was young, I didn’t KNOW HER.”

It devastated me to imagine she might never know me. She’d never know the sleepless nights, the love and care I had for her. She would never know the sound of my voice or the touch of my skin. She would NEVER know.

I also played out the scene if I’d suffered brain damage. I imagined her having to treat her mom like a child, and never knowing how I used to be. I imagined people telling her stories about me, and her wishing she could have seen me like that.

It was terrible. My mind was a minefield with horrible thoughts. I’d break down and cry in the middle of the day. I’d scream to God and tell him that I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I wondered why God would let this happen. I wondered if my time on Earth was done. I wondered why I was even here. I pictured my family, my husband, living the rest of their lives, either without me, or having to take care of me.

I imagined the moment BEFORE being put to sleep, wondering if it would be my last moment. I wondered if I suffered brain damage, if I would “know” it. Would I understand that I was disabled? Even worse, would I understand and not be able to communicate it?

Erik was very strong through these days, until one night. He broke down and started sobbing. My husband NEVER cries. This was probably only the 3rd time I’d ever seen it, and this one was the worst. He cried out,

“God, you can take ANYTHING, but you CAN’T take my WIFE.”

It killed me inside.

I remember being so upset at people around me taking things for granted. People would complain about the stupidest things. Every time I heard someone complaining about something dumb – like TRAFFIC – on Facebook, I wanted to scream at them – “WELL AT LEAST YOU DON’T HAVE A TUMOR!!” I was upset that they got the LUXURY of worrying about traffic. I was possibly facing my last days on Earth. I was facing possibly leaving my husband a widow, and my daughter motherless.

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I was supposed to have the surgery in April, and I just couldn’t confirm a date with them. The whole situation just DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT. Something was missing and I just didn’t know why. I felt SO ALONE and SO afraid. The tumor is so rare, that I still couldn’t find much information on survivors. I couldn’t find anyone who had BEEN through it. I didn’t fit in with people battling cancer, and I couldn’t talk to my family or friends, because they just couldn’t understand.

I decided to search, search and search some more. One night on my iPad, I found a forum with people who had been diagnosed with a CBT. It hadn’t been updated after the person had the surgery. But I posted anyway. I posted about my diagnosis. I then got a private message from a member, who told me they had a private Facebook group! I immediately connected with a woman named Valerie.

I remember telling her she was like an angel. She told me her story and it was very similar to mine. She’d had the tumor removed and she was fine!

She told me about the National Institute of Health (NIH) in Washington, D.C. She told me they had a protocol (basically like a clinical trial) that studies these rare types of tumors, and that they operate on them often. She said all I had to do was get accepted into the program.

At this moment, it was like the cloud above my heart, suddenly floated away. The sun shone on my heart and I felt a million pounds lifted from my shoulders. It was the answer to my prayers, and I felt a peace come over me instantly. I felt God in that moment, I was truly wrapped in his warm embrace.

I knew this was the answer. Even though I hadn’t even applied or wasn’t even accepted, I knew. I immediately told Erik and he had the same reaction as me (Hallelujah!). I remember not worrying about how much it would cost, I knew God would provide. I later asked Valerie about the cost. She said, “Oh gosh, I forgot to mention, it’s all paid for! It’s for governmental research.” My miracle really had arrived. I applied, sent them my scans, and got invite to fly out to D.C. to get the testing done.

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The Facebook group was solace for me.

Finally, people who understood. We were united in our rareness.

It was also difficult, as some of the members would pass away. They would change their profile pictures to an in-memory candle when someone from the group would pass away. There was one that affected me more deeply than the others. She was 33 years old. I stared at her posts pre-surgery, I heard her voice. And now she was gone.

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In May of 2012 my dad and I flew out to D.C. to NIH. I underwent a week’s worth of testing. I was a literal lab rat. They sampled just about every liquid in my body, and did numerous body scans, complete with nuclear injections. I was pretty much glowing in the dark after that week.

A few weeks later, they scheduled my surgery for the end of August. The next three months were extremely tough. I was still very afraid.

I decided in order to be strong, I had to make peace with the fact that I may not make it through surgery. I had to lean on God’s understanding – that if it was His will, it was part of His plan. I decided if I was ready to die, I could face the surgery knowing I had done all that I could do.

I spent the next three months preparing for my own death.

I created a will, and a living will – which is basically stating your wishes should you become incapacitated – a very REAL threat in my case. I gave the orders of what to do should I become a vegetable or unable to speak my wishes. I made sure my life insurance was current. I wrote down all my bank account information.

I prepared my business. I got all my clients projects in order. I was going to be totally responsible, and not leave anything to Erik to have to deal with. I prepared my assistant with all the info she would need, and gave my mother-in-law access to running the business financials if she needed to. I wrote letters to my loved ones.

I hired a professional photographer to take family photos of us in our home, and a professional videographer to help me make a video for my daughter.

I basically made the video, to tell my daughter GOODBYE.
I told my daughter how much I had LOVED her.

During this time I read an AMAZING book called One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No-Regrets Life by Kerry Shook. In it, he explores what we would do if we only had 30 days left to live. He explores the idea of legacy, and the world and the people you’re leaving behind. He talks about what people would have to say about you, and how you lived.

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Did I live the life I was supposed to? Did I use the gifts God had given me?

When we are gone, all that matters is how we affected others.

Had I really made a difference?

When it was all said and done, when I met God would he say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” Matthew 25:23

I started to switch my thinking from “what if I don’t survive it” to “what if I DO survive it?” I started to think about how this fit into God’s plan. If I survived, what was His reason for keeping me here? If I survived, it meant I had work left to do. I decided if I did survive, that my life would have to change.

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So the day finally came to leave for the east coast. My husband and I decided to spend the first 5 days of our trip, having fun. We went to NYC and stayed in Times Square. We lived it up, and had a wonderful time. We then took a train from New York to Washington, D.C., and a cab to NIH, which is in Bethesda, Maryland.

I ended up catching a cold in NYC, and it delayed my surgery. I was inpatient the whole week, so I was in the hospital and had to sleep apart from Erik. They have testing all week and the surgeries on Friday. I was still very sick by Thursday, so they canceled the surgery. I was so frustrated, I just wanted to get on the other side of the surgery. We had to cancel our return flight. Being sick in the hospital is a big deal, I was on quarantine from the other patients and had to wear masks and gloves. A few days later, they finally cleared me to have surgery. The night before my surgery, I spent a lot of time alone with God. I gave it to Him, I knew I was in His hands and I felt peace.

That night, I read my Facebook, and there was such an outpouring of prayers for me. My friends had posted on their pages to pray for me and my surgery. It meant the world to me, and I knew if this life was over, that I was loved.

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The next morning I got up bright and early, and showered. Erik came to be with me. We waited. And waited. And waited. 3 hours after they were supposed to get me, they finally showed up with the gurney. The gurney trip to the OR was long. My heart pounded. When I got to the hallway outside the OR, the anesthesiologist met me. This was the time when I was supposed to get the “triple cocktail” as they called it. It was basically a mix of medications to relax you before entering the OR. The anesthesiologist informed me because we were running so late, that we would have to skip it, and that now it was time to say goodbye to my husband.

I wish I could say that I was strong in that moment. But I wasn’t. I broke down into tears and started sobbing uncontrollably. My husband kissed me and told me he loved me.

One of my doctors/surgeons touched my foot and said, “Catherine, it will be okay. We will take good care of you.”

And it meant the world to me and I was able to stop crying (Thank you Dr. Patel).

I went into the OR. It was a HUGE room where the left side of the room was all glass – an observation area, and there were a few people sitting there, observing from another room. I assume they were students (NIH has a renowned program). I was SO scared. I remember every second like it was yesterday. The sounds of the room, the machines, the tools. There were probably about 10 people in the room, all busy doing things to prepare.

They were trying to get an IV set up in my hand, and the anesthesiologist and nurse started arguing about placement. The anesthesiologist told the nurse, “Let’s talk about this in a minute,” meaning let’s talk about this AFTER the patient is asleep. They tried to give me oxygen through my nose, but I was all stuffed up from the cold that I couldn’t breathe right. They gave me a mask instead.

All I could do was stare at the ceiling, counting down the minutes until this was over. Minutes turned to hours.

I prayed, “God just get me through these next few seconds. I just want to get through these next few seconds, so that I can finally hand it all over to you.”

The anesthesiologist told me, “Alrightie, let’s have you take a little nap!” And I was out.

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I woke up when I was being rolled into recovery. The next few minutes were a ton of TMI, so I’ll spare you those details. Basically I had a rough time coming out of anesthesia. The nurse asked if I wanted my husband, and I said yes.

My husband had a huge smile on his face and kept saying, “You did it baby! You made it!!”

I immediately asked him to get on my Facebook on my phone, and let everyone know I was okay. First things first, right?

The surgery was a success. They removed all of the tumor. I thought the coast was clear. I looked at myself in a mirror, and I realized something was wrong. The right side of my face was mostly paralyzed. I couldn’t make a full smile, and my eyelid was droopy on that side.

Later on, the head surgeon came in to check on me. He explained to me how bad my tumor was and how difficult it was to remove. They almost had to dislocate my jaw to get all of it. It had grown all the way up to the base of my skull. He said there may have been some nerves damaged because of all the jostling, but that nothing was severed. He told me it was called Horner’s syndrome. It’s where there is damage to the sympathetic nerve chain, and causes the drooping eyelid. He said it was most likely temporary. I was lucky to be alive, so I didn’t really let it bother me much.

We flew home a few days later. I was still in a lot of pain, but it was my husband’s 32 birthday, so we had a lot of family in town. What an awesome birthday present huh?

I had a new lease on life. I loved more, complained less, and pushed my art to new heights. I filled my days and my life with things that mattered. I finally realized how much of a BLESSING this whole ordeal was to me. I had survived and I was here for a reason. AMEN, AMEN, AMEN.

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I finally got back the pathology report, and it said something VERY unexpected. It said the tumor was a Schwannoma. NOT a paraganglioma like everyone thought. A schwannoma? What the heck is that? Instead of a vascular tumor that grows on your arteries, it’s a tumor that is full of nerve cells, and grows on the nerves. This explained my nerve damage.

So back to Google I go. I start searching Cervical Sympathetic Chain Schwannoma. The more I research, I find out that this tumor is EVEN rarer than the first!

To this day, I haven’t met another person who has had this. There are only about 60 documented cases of a Cervical Sympathetic Chain Schwannoma in the ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Which would make it about ONE in a MILLION people get this.

So… was it cancerous?

I got ahold of one of my doctors at NIH (I had about 5 of them) and she finally answered my question on if it was cancerous or not – “We don’t know.” She explained that basically these tumors are still quite a mystery. They are basically cancer – but they don’t say they are cancerOUS until they metastasize – spread. So she explained that if it spreads, it’s cancerous, and if it doesn’t, it was benign. I was also tested for a genetic mutation that they think can cause these tumors. I was negative for the gene mutation, which was a big relief, because it could have been passed on to my daughter.

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So now, on the one year anniversary of my surgery, I’m tumor-free. The nerve damage has mostly healed. I have a few issues with my vocals, but nothing big.

Surgeons removed a tumor from my neck, but God performed surgery on my heart. He healed me. He healed more than just my body. He healed my blindness and apathy.

God showed me what is important, and that’s OTHERS. I want to make a difference in others, and I want to help people. I want to serve His people.

I want to SHARE this story to all who will listen.

This is why the Design Life Project means so much to me. I want to encourage you to live a life you LOVE. I want to encourage you to be THERE for your family. To do your ABSOLUTE best at what you do. To CARE for and BLESS one another. To LOVE with everything you’ve got, and to NEVER take it for granted.

Thank you for blessing me by reading my story. Now make the rest of today COUNT.

 

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P.S. I want to send some long overdue thanks to some people who were there with me through this journey. I could not have done it without you, and I will forever be grateful.

To my friends, to the Betas, for always listening and praying for me.

To my friend Valerie, and the rest of the Pheo/Para troopers – for being there. Rest in peace to those we’ve lost.

To my dear friend Lupita, for giving me constant hope, love and prayers to get me through this time.

To my best friend Jamie, who is my sister in Christ and who was a constant foundation.

To my Mother-in-Law who was patient and kind, and listened to me cry.

To my Mom who is MY ROCK and got me through and took care of my daughter when I couldn’t.

To my Dad, for traveling with me and getting through the impossible task of having to stand by and watch HIS little girl go through this.

To my daughter Aven, you are the REASON I had to LIVE. I love you with ALL of my heart.

To my husband Erik, for being my partner through it all.

To Doctor Patel, Doctor Kebebew, Doctor Yudiskya, Nurse Casey, Nurse Karen – To all of the NIH crew, for treating me kindly, making it possible and healing me.

To the United States Government and all us Tax-paying citizens – for paying for it.

AND MOST OF ALL…

To our one and only Savior Jesus Christ – the Way, the Truth, and the Life – for healing me – INSIDE and OUT, and for loving me anyway.

illustration credit

Let me first start off saying that I have no beef with Mr. Big Picture. He’s a cool dude, and yeah, we’re buddies and I hang out with him ALL THE TIME. But Mr. Big Picture is kind of a beast and he can be a bit frightening at times. He can also be super annoying when I want to make progress – to get stuff done. He hangs over my shoulder, breathing down my neck. I know he’s there, he doesn’t have to make himself known every second while I’m trying to get stuff done.

It’s a silly analogy, but isn’t it totally true? Mr. Big Picture is like a monster in the closet. Trying to see the Big Picture can invite big questions like “what am I doing with my life?” and “am I doing this thing right?” or “where do I belong?” It’s scary stuff, and sometimes we’d rather shut the closet door and keep the monster there.

When we think about the Big Picture, we can often get overwhelmed. We don’t NEED to. Instead, we can acknowledge it, and plan around it. We don’t let it paralyze us, or distract us from moving forward.

When Mr. Big Picture confronts us, we can say “Oh, hey Mr. BP! I got your email asking me about where my life is headed. I’d love to grab some coffee with you sometime and we can chat about it, but right now I’m working on an important project that needs my full attention. Good to see you though!!!”

I’m still not saying that we sweep it under the rug – I’m saying that we make a date with Mr. Big Picture. We take time to give him the audience he needs, but we DON’T let him leech into all areas of our life.

I want to encourage you today, to make a date with Mr. BP in the near future, but for now, to tell him to butt out while you’re trying to work.

Today, I’m keeping it a bit light, because tomorrow I have a whopper of a story to tell you – MINE. I’m going to tell you the story of my catalyst moment – the one that changed me forever. See you tomorrow!

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I’m getting SO excited for the launch of the Design Life Project e-course. We will talk a lot about the BIG PICTURE and not letting it overwhelm you. Registration opens in a couple weeks and there are limited spots to keep the experience personal, so make sure you’re signed up to hear about when registration opens and you can snag your spot!

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